well, must there be?

one definition of the word relationship is ‘a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection)’ (linky)

as we grown up, experience life and relationships we are told what a relationship should be like. that in every relationship there is sacrifice, rather that there must be sacrifice. or we are feed information about the notion of a ‘one, true love’. even if such a thing were to be true, even if there was a perfect match for each and every one of us out there, how are we to ever know? ‘oh, you’ll know’ says the wise, experienced, married couple. o please…

in the above paragraph notice the word should, in regards to what a relationship should be like. one very important thing to remember about relationships is that no one knows exactly what a perfect relationship is, or even if such a thing exists – each and every relationship we have is different than the last. they differ depending upon whom the relationship is with; mom, dad, buddy, girlfriend; all are relationships but very different types; a relationship with your girlfriend would differ much from a relationship with your sister. nothing HAS to be. there is no universal law stating that if one couple, who is ‘in love’, experiences a certain something in a certain way that every other couple who is ‘in love’ will expirience it in exacaly the same way. it simply will not happen. each one of us has different ways we see the world. that’s easy to see. what is not so easy to see is that our relationships are just as unique as each of us; each of us brings something unique to a relationship.

back to the topic at hand, if at least for a moment. im going to be referring to a little article called ‘Healthy Relationships require sacrifice and dedication’; you can find it here.

the article states, rather innocently, “It may be something simple like letting her have her own way ocassionally or allowing him to cook dinner the way his mother did instead of your own way. For those of us who are stubborn, these small sacrifices can be tough. Basically, sacrificing means that occasionally you shouldn’t put yourself first.”

im sorry, but neither of those are sacrifices. ‘letting her have her own way’, what kind of statement is that? why does there have to be so many ‘ways’ why can’t there be one mutually agreed upon way. and ‘allowing him to cook dinner’. what!? allow him to cook dinner?! is there a security pass that he has to swipe, you know, before you allow him to cook for you and himself?

what i believe this article is trying to say is that relationships do take work and that they often require compromise. say it with me c-omp-ro-my-ze. an example of a compromise is watching something on TV that one person in the couple prefers more than the other, or perhaps, you cook, ill clean! thats a compromise, not a sacrifice! allow him to cook….ok, allow him to cook for you, and himself, thats all well and good, but where’s the sacrifice? what is being given up? what was so important to you that you had to give a piece of yourself up? right, nothing. that makes it at most a compromise and even thats a stretch.

one more little snippet “Without dedication, there probably won’t be sacrifice or hard work.” hard work = dedication and dedication = hard work, hey, im alright with that statement; it doesn’t always fit the bill, but as a generality, yes hard work requires dedication. but sacrifice requires dedication? wait…wha’? come again? no, sacrifice is, according to princeton “the act of losing or surrendering something as a penalty for a mistake or fault or failure to perform etc.’ (linky) side note: i do not agree with that definition totally, but hey, who am i to argue with princeton! so, in order to sacrifice there must have been some kind of wrong doing, right? dedication is defined as ‘the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action.’ now, i ask, why must there be sacrifice if one is dedicated? unless, one is dedicated against ones own will, then and only then will there be some sort of sacrifice, something must be relinquished. if one is truly dedicated it is what the person wants, simply. the act of dedication is in effect, the willingness to bind oneself to something, completely. if one is willing there need be no sacrifice, perhaps compromise but never sacrifice.

one thing which i would also like to graze upon is that people give up their dreams in order for their significant other to achieve theirs. now that is sacrifice. unnecessary and that person would be foolish to do such a thing, but it is sacrifice. if a couple is in love, and they trust each other throughly, each can achieve their dreams without having to sacrifice them. love is not sacrifice. love is knowing that you would sacrifice, but never having to so. love is knowing that as long as the person you love is doing what they want to do, what they love to do, then they are happy and them being as such should make all the difference in the world.

there is 1 thing that must be in all relationships in order for them to succeed. no matter the type, whether it be a friendship, co-workers, employee’s, parents and siblings, lifelong bud’s – one thing must be constant in each of those – Trust. 100% trust.

without trust there is no basis for a relationship. when we put trust into one another we make ourselves vulnerable. without vulnerability no one needs to be trusted. vulnerability is essential in any relationship, as part of the definition of a relationship is being able to confide in one another. trust in me for even the most at peace of minds needs someone to talk to. needs someone to trust. needs to feel wanted.

trust someone today. it may change your relationship forever.